


I won't let you close enough to hurt me

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Robron Secret Valentine, Teacher AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 05:15:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17781245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: Aaron and Robert meet again after ten years, but Aaron’s not exactly over the moon to see him again, and he has to deal with the local cafe owner trying to set him up on a blind date.





	I won't let you close enough to hurt me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [imgoingcrazy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imgoingcrazy/gifts).



> Written as part of Robron Secret Valentine exchange on tumblr.

There was always that one person. The one you couldn’t forget, that you thought of from time to time and wondered what if, even if they’d hurt you, even if it was impossible.

They’d met at uni, teacher training, and Aaron had found him smug and annoying from day one. That said, he also found him pretty attractive too.

He doesn’t even know what happened but it ended up being just the two of them in the pub one night and one thing led to Aaron’s flat, hands and mouths everywhere. When he woke the next morning, Robert was gone, no note, no text, nothing, and was promptly ignored the next time he saw him. He wasn’t stupid, he got the message loud and clear, at least until a couple of months later when it happened again.

He should’ve walked away, but he didn’t. Things did improve, Robert actually started hanging around and they’d spend time together. It wasn’t serious, they both knew that, but it wasn’t the casual thing either. If Aaron secretly hoped for more, Robert didn’t need to know.

It all changed when term ended, them both going home. Robert said he’d text and see him soon. Aaron had let himself get carried away, wilfully ignoring the fact that Robert had never wanted to tell anyone about them. He hadn’t either, so it hadn’t bothered him at the time.

Still, he didn’t expect Robert to just not come back after Christmas, without a word of explanation from him. He knew he was ok, overheard a couple of his mates talking about sending his stuff on. Maybe he could’ve asked them, but he wanted to hold onto whatever self-respect he still had.

He’d put it behind him, in the end, went back to concentrating on making something of his life, not like he could do anything else. He didn’t forget him though, never really forgave him either even if they hadn’t really been anything at all, and it still hurt, even years later.

So yes there was always that one person that you can’t forget, and you never think you’ll see them again.

Until that day you walk into the staffroom during break on the first day of term to find that person drinking from your coffee mug.

From then on his day just went from bad to worse. Everywhere he turned he was there. The store cupboard, the photocopier, cafeteria, everywhere.

He was just as he remembered, same cocky grin, blond hair just so. He hated that he still had that reaction to him, that he’d spent so long getting over him and now here he was.

Aaron didn’t even know if he remembered him but then he’d not hung around long enough to do anything but mutter a hello.

It was stupid. He was an adult now, well more of an adult, he could be professional.

He could.

He was too, right up until the Head suggested the two of them work together on the school production of Oliver! a few weeks later. All hands on deck he said as the Head of Drama was off sick for who knew how long. Fantastic, just fantastic.

He couldn’t help but stare at him as he sat in the staff room reading through the notes they’d been left, everyone else already left for home.

“Should be a piece of cake.” He announces, dropping the papers on the table in front of him, and picking up his, no Aaron’s mug, again.

“Yeah right. I teach History and you teach Maths. How is this going to be a piece of cake?”

“I took some drama classes at uni.” Aaron looks up to see him smiling, smugly, he might add. “You’re not going to say anything then? No, how are you? Or it’s been a long time?”

“So you do remember me.”

“Whyever would I forget you?” There’s that cocky smile again and he can almost see his nostrils flare at it.

“Managed well enough after you left though I expect.”

“Aaron…”

“So, the show…” He couldn’t do it, now now, had to change the subject. “We should at least try and make some plans tonight.”

“Right. Ok, if that’s what you want.”

“Sure you’re up to it? This place isn’t what you’re used to.”

“Keeping tabs on me?” There’s that smile again. “I expect I’ll manage. I was thinking, Tuesdays and Thursdays after school for rehearsals.”

“I help with the footie team on a Thursday but Tuesday, yeah. Once a week is the usual I think.”

“Right well, we’ll see. I’m guessing that this…” He waves the script around a little, “Isn’t really your thing so, if I handle this maybe you could sort the technical stuff?”

“Fine, whatever.” That suited him just fine. The less time he spent with Robert the better right now. “So what made you come here then?” He settles back into the chair with his borrowed mug while Robert scribbled furiously on the papers in front of him. He couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“Family mostly. You know, this could be a good opportunity, really show what the school can do.”

“Don’t you think you should stick to the plan? It’s been set for ages and there’s not that long left.”

“Come on Aaron, you used to be a lot more adventurous.” Finally he looks up, eyes sparkling with mischief just like Aaron remembered.

“Somehow that got knocked out of me. Let’s just see what we’ve got to work with before you get any fancy ideas.”

“No harm in being ambitious.”

“You always were. Anyway, is that it? Some of us have homes to go to.” The sooner he got out of here the better.

*****

The next morning he stops off at his favourite cafe not far from the school. He’d found it not long after starting the job, needing a place where he wouldn’t run into any of the kids, knowing he’d be glad of the peace some days. It wasn’t the most trendy of places so he should be safe, but he liked it. It was homely and he always got a good welcome from the owner.

“You’re early today. Usual?” He nods as Sarah smiled at him. It didn’t matter what time he came in she was always smiling, always willing to him complain. “Oh dear, no smile?”

“Nor would you if you had to work with the smug git I have to. Better add a bacon sarnie as well, I’m going to need it.” He didn’t want to get into the details with her, but sometimes you just needed someone to moan to and she was the nearest person he had that he didn’t work with.

“I’m sure he’s not that bad. Everyone has their good side.” Aaron doubted it but he didn’t argue. If anything Robert’s annoying traits had got worse than when he last saw him if the day before had been anything to go by. She listened as he let out his frustrations before handing over his bacon sandwich and coffee. It should see him through the day at least.

“Have a good day love.” Sarah calls as he heads out the door.

The first thing he sees is a notice on the board at the entrance informing pupils that rehearsals for Oliver! would be on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Great. Well he’d just have to manage on his own, the footie team came first.

He manages to avoid Robert the rest of the day although there are numerous emails in his inbox full of ideas and instructions which he’s ignoring, and he’s packing up his stuff for home when Tracy collars him in the staff room ready to gossip on the way out. Of course Robert is still the hot topic and he’s not in the mood. He’s all anyone has talked about for days.

“Don’t you have better things to do than gossip about him?” He asks her when she’s rabbited on for a good five minutes.

“Sure you don’t just secretly fancy him?” He snaps his head up at that to see her grinning at him.

“What? No!” He wonders if she knows somehow, but no, it’s just Tracy being Tracy.

“I’m just saying...besides he’s a good looking bloke. Maybe you should try getting to know him. Might change your opinion.”

“No ta. It’s bad enough I’ve got to spend time with him doing this show. Besides even if I did fancy him, which I don’t, what difference would it make?”

“He might like you.” He just shook his head, she was relentless. “He’s always staring at you when you’re not looking.”

“He’s married.” It wasn’t that which bothered him, it just made him wonder what he’d been to him back then. Had he meant anything at all. He didn’t even know why he was indulging her but he liked Tracy, she was fun to be around.

  
Everyone knew the rumours, that Robert had left his last school, one of the best performing in the country, under a cloud. Aaron had heard the gossip in the staff room, that he’d cheated on his wife with her sister. Not normally a reason to leave a job, but when your father-in-law was one of the main benefactors of the school he guessed you were left with little choice.

“Might be worth finding out. The two of you together…quite a picture.” He hopes his face doesn’t react, the last thing he needs is her knowing, he’ll never hear the end of it.

“You’re a nightmare, do you know that?”

“That’s why you love me. Think about it.”

“Goodbye Tracy.” She must be mad. That ship had long sailed, he didn’t feel anything for him now except annoyance.

*****

“You look tired. Rough day?” Sarah greets him with her usual smile when he reaches the counter. He usually only calls in for breakfast on his way to school, but after the rehearsal he needs a hit of sugar.

The kids were in their element, all of them talented in their own way, but they’d realised pretty early on that neither he nor Robert had that much idea of what they were doing. He probably shouldn’t be so amused at Robert all but tearing his hair out as they ran riot. He’d stepped in in the end, all of them knowing him well enough not to answer back.

“This school show is doing my head in. It was all sorted and now he is just changing everything and the kids are being menaces because of it.” She’d heard all about his annoyance with Robert, had listened patiently. It was like having his Mum around. He missed her, being so far away and not seeing her as much as he liked, so it was nice having someone just to listen. He had no idea why she put up with him but she did and he was grateful. “Sorry, you don’t want to hear this.”

“I don’t mind love. Keeps me entertained.”

“Still…”

“You know what you need, don’t you?” She tells him as he hands over the money for his order. “Take your mind off it all.”

“No.” He grins as he says it, the game almost routine by now. “I don’t need setting up, even if I did want a date.”

“You shouldn’t be on your own, a lad your age. You should be out having fun, not spending your time chatting to me.”

“I like chatting to you. Besides, when do I have time to date? I’ve got hours of marking ahead of me when I get home, and that’s without this bloody show.”

“All I’m saying is…”

“Does your son know you’re trying to arrange his dates for him?” She’d been at it for weeks now, trying to set them up. Aaron had never met him but Sarah was relentless.

“That boy doesn’t know what’s good for him. Anyway he’s only just moved back here, doesn’t know anyone. I’m just being helpful.”

“Yes I’m sure that’s what he’d say if he knew. Anyway I’m off.”

“See you tomorrow love.”

*****

“So, what do you think?” Robert asks him halfway through their first rehearsal.

“They don’t sound bad.” It had taken Robert a good fifteen minutes to announce all the changes he’s made to the script and timetable and Aaron had to bite his lip when he heard the murmurings of discontent from the kids. “You’re not makin’ yourself popular with all these changes you know.”

“I’m not here to be popular.”

“Never would’ve guessed. Don’t blame me if they start acting up, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Ok, so tell me wise one, what am I doing wrong?”

“Thursdays are football, like I told you. We’re not really famed for much but we’ve got one of the best teams in the county and you’re dragging two of the best players away right when they’re needed most. Not to mention me.”

“They need more rehearsal.” He couldn’t help wince as one of them hit a bad note.

“You’ll get more out of them if you compromise. Trust me.” He’d heard grumbles before today in his classes about the ‘stuck up new teacher’ and various other things, and the one thing he knew was if they were against you, you didn’t get anywhere.

The petty part of him felt like letting Robert flounder but he was meant to be an adult.

“I…” He turns as the song finishes. “Ok, that was good. Before you go, I’ve realised that perhaps Wednesdays would be better for second rehearsal than Thursdays. Mr Dingle tells me the football team is quite something. Is that right?” A resounding yes sounds around the hall and he sends them on their way with a smile. “Better?”

“It’s a start.”

“Aaron, what’s your problem?”

“Nothing. Just...you can’t just waltz in here and act like you do.”

“Right, and that’s the only reason you’re acting like this is it?”

“What other reason could there possibly be?” He starts stacking the chairs away so he doesn’t have to face him.

“Aaron…”

“Just leave it Robert.” He doesn’t give him chance to say anything, just grabs his stuff and leaves, angry at himself for letting it get to him.

“Aaron, wait!” The corridor is empty when he grabs him and spins him round. Aaron shakes off his arm angrily, glaring at him. “Are you...we can’t work like this. Tell me what’s wrong?”

“Are you so oblivious that you don’t know?”

“Is this about us?”

“Wait a minute, I’ll go see if there’s any gold stars lurking in the cupboard.”

“I...it was years ago.”

“Yeah, and I was over it until you showed up.” He sighs, “Do you have any idea how it felt? You just didn’t come back. If I hadn’t heard those mates of yours talking, I could’ve thought anything.”

“It was just...we were kids pretty much.”

“You mean I was just convenient.”

“No. You knew exactly what it was, I never hid that.”

“Yeah, I did. Didn’t stop me from...you know what never mind.”

“You felt something for me?” He actually sounds shocked and Aaron’s almost relieved that he hadn’t actually known back then and still left.

“Just proves I’m the stupid one doesn’t it? Forget it Robert, just forget it.” He doesn’t give him chance to answer, just walks away. Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut?

*****

“What’s up today then? Can’t be work, you’ve not been in yet.” Sarah asks as he hands over the money for his breakfast a week later.

“Oh no, I don’t need to. He’s taken to phoning me about it now. Ten o’clock last night he’s on at me, arranging extra rehearsal for tonight, because clearly he doesn’t have a life, so no one else can either.” It wasn’t just that, ever since he’d spoken to Tracy he couldn’t get Robert off his mind, wondering if she was right, and deep down he did like him.

What would be the point anyway, even if he did. Robert was still married, although by all accounts not for much longer, and at uni...well he was sure Robert was straight, there was no use in going down that road.

“You had plans?”

“That’s not the point. He’s got everyone eating out of the palm of his hand.”

“So what’s he like then? Why don’t you like him?” The cafe is nearly empty he’s in so early so she sits down opposite him with a sigh.

“He just doesn’t listen to anyone. His ideas are the best and that’s it. I don’t even know why I’m even needed, he doesn’t listen to anything I say. I’m just there for all the heavy lifting. Just because he’s from some la-di-da school.”

“He could be nervous. You know, new school and all that.”

“I doubt he even knows the meaning of the word nerves. Never has.”

“Oh. There’s a story there. Come on, I’ve got a few minutes before the rush.” She rounds the counter and sits down and he rolls his eyes but sits and starts talking.

“So now he’s back.” He says after he’s filled her in. “And I don’t know, I’m just feeling everything from back then again and I’d rather not.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“No.”

“Maybe you should. He might feel the same.”

“He walked away before, besides he’s still married. Maybe I never meant anything at all. I’m not giving him the chance to hurt me all over again.”

“Time changes things. Sounds to me like neither of you talk enough. Besides, you have to work together, might be worth trying.”

“Only on this show...after that we won’t need to have anything to do with each other.” Not entirely true, but their paths would barely cross given how different the subjects they taught were. Then again why does part of him ache at the thought of it?

“Still, you’ll never know if you never talk. Maybe he’s just putting up a front. Take my son for instance, he won’t ever tell you what’s wrong. Oh the times I’ve had to tell him that it’s alright to let people in. So stubborn that boy.”

“Yet you want me to go on a date with him?”

“Oh that’s different. You’d like him, I know it.” He thinks for a minute as she deals with another customer. What would be the harm really, maybe it would stop him thinking about Robert for five minutes, get him out of his head again.

“Fine. One date.” A night out never did anyone any harm did it? “I’m free Friday if it’s any good.”

*****

By the time Friday rolls around he’s strangely nervous. It’s ridiculous really because he was only doing this to make Sarah happy after all.

They’re meeting at a restaurant, one he’s not been to before. He turns up far too early, despite spending way too long wondering what to wear.

When his date is ten minutes late he blames the traffic, when it’s twenty minutes he’s starting to get annoyed and by the time half an hour has ticked by he’s fuming. He’s had enough of sitting alone, obviously having been stood up, so he leaves.

He considers going round to the cafe on his way home but it’ll be closed, and besides it wasn’t Sarah’s fault if her son was a jerk and it wouldn’t be fair to take the anger out on her. No, he’ll go home and have a beer.

Monday dawns and he wishes he could stay in bed because the day is bad enough without everything else. He heads to the cafe first.

“I’m sorry.” She tells him as soon as he sees her.

“It’s my fault. I had a fall and he had to take me to the hospital.”

“Are you alright?” He wasn’t entirely sure he believed her.

“Oh yes, just my ankle.” She points down and he leans over the counter to see it bandaged.” By the time I was let home it was too late and I hadn’t got your number. Not very good at this blind date arranging lark am I?”

“Your technique could use some work. Sure he just didn’t want to go out with me?”

“Of course he does. How about you try again?” He really wasn’t sure he wanted to bother but he couldn’t think of a decent enough excuse.

“I’ve got this show and...maybe after that.” Maybe by then he’d have Robert out of his head and got over his embarrassment at being stood up.

“Oh that’s weeks away. All work and no play and all that.”

“Still think it’s weird, arranging a date via his Mum, but...fine.” He didn’t have anything to lose did he. “This Friday?”

“Perfect. Why not meet him here, makes it easier?”

“You could just take my number.” He frowned, meeting him here could be awkward especially if he didn’t like him.

“I’ll do that too. Go on, meet him here, then I can see my handiwork.”

“You’re relentless. Does he know how lucky he is to have you?”

“I’ll make sure to tell him.” She hands over his usual order. “Have a good day love.”

“Try not to fall over any more won’t you?”

“Ha ha. See you tomorrow.”

*****

“Aaron!” He keeps walking, ignoring Robert’s call along the corridor, ducking into the store cupboard, the pile of books he’s carrying more precarious by the second. It’s been three days since his failed date and he’s still annoyed, even though they’re trying again his mood hasn’t improved. He manages to wedge the door open with the chair left there for just that purpose. He hears Robert’s footsteps behind him but carries on, ignoring him. He just wants to get done and go home and get ready. “Didn’t you hear me?”

“Yeah.” He turns round just in time to see the door closing. “Don’t!”

“What?”

“You idiot! There’s a reason the door is propped open when someone is in here. Now we’re locked in. Fantastic.”

“Well how was I to know?” He rattles the door handle over and over. “Why hasn’t it been fixed?”

“The same reason the heating craps out every five minutes. Not that you’d know about that. Don’t suppose that fancy school you’ve come from had that trouble did it?”

“Don’t have a go at me. So, we’re stuck here then.”

“Have you got your phone?” He’d left his on his desk, only expecting to be two minutes. Thankfully Robert hands it over.

“Is anyone even here?”

“Tracy doesn’t live that far.” Thankfully he remembers her number. “Tracy? I need your help. I’m stuck in the South block book cupboard and I need you to come and let me out. What?...of course I know not to shut the door, but Robert didn’t...yes he’s here...shut up!”

“Is she coming or not?” Robert grumbles beside him and he waves at him to shut him up.

“Tracy, just get over here and let us out will you, I’ve got somewhere to be...no, not a date, not after last time. I’ll buy you lunch tomorrow...thank you.” He hands the phone back with a sigh. “She’s at the shops but she’ll be here soon.” He didn’t believe a word of it, had heard her laughing at the thought of him and Robert being stuck in a room together. “This is just what I need.”

“Hardly a picnic for me either.” He sighs and sits down on the floor in front of the bookshelves. “What did you mean not a date, not after last time?”

“Why do you care?”

“Just trying to start a conversation as we’re stuck here.”

“It’s not important. What possessed you to move the chair?”

“I said I was sorry!”

“Well, no, you didn’t actually.”

“Fine, I’m sorry. Don’t you think we should talk about this?”

“What?”

“Us. We have to work together.” He looks over, Robert seems so earnest he wants to laugh.

“What is there to say? You made it perfectly clear where you stood ten years ago.”

“Go on, we’re stuck here, you might as well carry on.”

“You just left, without a word. Didn’t come back. Maybe I was just...what?...an experiment? Whatever it was, I deserved better.”

“That’s...it wasn’t like that.”

“Never mind, forget it.”

“No, no, you started it.”

“You picked me up and dropped me whenever you felt like it. Then you just leave. How do you think that made me feel?”

“You’ve got me all wrong. Did it ever...you know nothing.”

“So tell me.”

“Would it make a difference? You seem to have made your mind up.”

“You made it pretty easy to do that. Were you ashamed of me? What? No one knew, you hid it all. So what was it? What don’t I understand? What did I get wrong?”

They sit in silence for what seems like ages, Robert saying nothing. He wishes Tracy would hurry up, but he had a feeling she’d take a while, from her voice it seemed like she it as an opportunity for them to get closer.

“I grew up on a farm, did you know that?”

“What?”

“I’m not some posh idiot, like everyone thinks. I went to this school back when it was Hotten Comp, had all these dreams about jobs in computers, anything to get away from the farm. My Dad, he didn’t believe I needed an education, I’d be taking over the farm like he had.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m...you wanted to understand.” He wasn’t used to this Robert, hesitant, quiet. It made him shift so he’s facing him properly.

“Alright, so what happened? Why didn’t you take over the farm?”

“My Mum. She was a librarian when she met my Dad. She encouraged me to learn, to want better.”

“So...the suits and general attitude, where did that come from?” It was clear he wasn’t comfortable talking, so he tried to lighten the mood a little.

“There’s nothing wrong with looking smart Aaron.” He smiles, and Aaron thinks it’s the first genuine one he’s seen from him, ever. It seems to make his eyes brighter and he mentally shakes himself. No use going down that road.

“Are you saying I look like a scruff?” He probably did to be fair, at the end of a long day his tie was gone and his shirt collar loose. He didn’t look anything like Robert who kept himself neat as a pin all day. It was weird if you asked him.

“I think a better word is comfortable.”

“Idiot. So go on, why the suits?”

“I like them.” Aaron just glares at him. “Alright, they started as a way to impress Chrissie. My wife.”

“Oh.” He didn’t know what to say. He must know he’s the subject of gossip, but that didn’t mean Aaron was going to let on.

“It’s alright, I know everyone’s been talking. Yes, I did cheat on her, and yes that’s why I left...part of the reason anyway. We were already over by then, that was just the final nail in the coffin.”

“When did you meet her?” He knew, somehow he knew.

“After, not when we were...I swear.” Aaron nods. “I switched courses, went to Leeds instead.”

“That desperate to get away from me?”

“What? No. I should’ve called you or something.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“My Dad always said I could never be satisfied with what I had. Guess he was right.”

“Sounds like a bit of a prat if you ask me.”

“You don’t mince your words do you? No, he just...I wasn’t the son he wanted, no matter how hard I tried to impress him. Some things are too big to get past I guess.”

“I still don’t get what that has to do with me.”

“Do you...I’m just...you’re gay, right?”

“You know I am.”

“I didn’t want to be...I mean I’m not...fuck…”

“Robert, just take a breath.” He was beginning to get an inkling of what was wrong.

“I’m bisexual...no one here knows. My Mum and sister are the only ones who know.” He’s staring down at his hands as if he can’t bear to look at Aaron.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“No. You’re right, you do deserve an explanation.” He takes a deep breath. “When I left, that Christmas. I was coming back I swear.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“My Dad. He died.” Aaron didn’t know what to say to that, just muttered a sorry which Robert waved away. “I had to sort everything, look after Mum, my sister.”

“Must’ve been a lot. I would’ve helped, if you’d let me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“That doesn’t explain why you never...we never did anything with anyone else, never went out, hung with our mates, not together.”

“I know. I said...about my Dad, well he knew, he caught me with a lad when I was fifteen.” He didn’t need to elaborate, Aaron could work it out easy enough.

“Robert…”

“Mum had left, when I was fourteen, took my sister, wanted to take me but he wouldn’t let her because I wasn’t hers, not legally. I hated him for that. Then he caught me...I was nearly sixteen, so I ran away to Mum. He didn’t care anymore, didn’t want a son like me.”

“And your Mum?”

“She told me it didn’t matter, whoever I liked, and when I got it, that I was bi, she told me it was ok to like both.”

“She sounds pretty amazing.”

“Doesn’t get rid of him, what he thought.” He laughs harshly. “All the stuff he said is still there.”

“So me and you?”

“You weren’t the first lad...sorry...but every time, I’d hear him, all of it and I s’pose part of me still wanted to make him proud of me.”

“What he thought, he was wrong.”

“I know that now, probably did then too, but I couldn’t deal with it, what I felt about you, so I hid it and when he died and I went home, I...buried it. I had to stay, look after stuff, and then I met Chrissie. I know I’m awful but I thought...it’d make him proud, and I did love her...until I messed it up.”

“And now?”

“Now...I understand myself better. I know that it’s ok to be me.”

“That’s good.” Robert looks at him. “I struggled too, coming out, I do get it.”

“Yeah?”

“I really struggled. It took my...Paddy, my step Dad pretty much, it took him a long time to make me see it was ok.”

“You were lucky to have him.”

“Yeah. I miss him. He and my Mum, they’re still in Manchester, it’s not far but I don’t see them as much as I should. Mum and I...we don’t always see eye to eye, sometimes it’s easier, a bit of distance.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t treat you very well. Probably doesn’t mean much anymore but I am.”

“Doesn’t matter.” It did hurt, but at least he understood it better now.

“I’ve never really talked to anyone about it before. Mum and my sister but…”

“You can talk to me. I’m not saying I’m not still mad, but it’s in the past, right?”

“So, we’ve talked about me all night. What about you? What made you go into teaching?”

“Dunno, the usual.” He tips his head back against the bookshelf. “I s’pose I thought…”

“What?”

“I didn’t have anyone growing up. Mum left when I was little and my Dad…well the less said about him the better. I drifted through school, constantly in trouble. If I’d just had someone who encouraged me, who believed I was more than just a useless kid…”

“Well from what I hear most of the kids think you’re the bee's knees. So you must be doing something right…what changed? When you were a kid?”

“Paddy. Again. I went to live with Mum and they were goin’ out even though she was no good for him back then and I’d hang out at the vet’s surgery with him all the time and he’d talk to me, like he really cared you know? Got through to me enough that I knuckled down and got the grades I needed.”

“Thank God for Paddy huh?” Aaron laughs.

“So, you got any tips for getting people on side here? Now I’m not the devil?”

“Drop the attitude...we’re all pretty easygoing. Especially Tracy. Make friends with her and you’re sorted.”

“She’s interesting.” Aaron burst out laughing.

“She is that. She reckons me and you make a pretty picture.” Robert looks up, eyes wide. “She was joking, she doesn’t know anything. She was winding me up when I was complaining about you being a smug git.”

Robert’s quiet for a bit, and then he looks up with a grin. “Want to play her at her own game?”

“What?”

“We’ll hear her coming down the corridor, we could always give her a preview of that picture she’s got in her head.”

“Are you winding me up?”

“Only if you want. I’m not trying to...Just a bit of fun, if you think she’ll get the joke.” He doesn’t answer straight away. “Never mind, stupid idea.”

“No, it’s...it’ll be a laugh. No one else here is there?” It would be fun to wind Tracy up.

They don’t say much else, the odd thought about the show but not much else. It’s nice really, just enjoying the quiet. He doesn’t even know what the time is. Eventually they hear the telltale sound of Tracy’s heels on the floor getting closer, memories flooding back to him after all this time, and then Robert’s turning to him, hand on his jaw, getting closer and closer until the door flies open and Tracy all but shrieks.

Robert does a great impression of being caught out, all those drama classes Aaron thinks, but Aaron can’t move, cursing Tracy and Robert equally, because he realises he hadn’t wanted Robert to stop.

“What’s all this then?”

“You took your time!” Robert tells her, smirking as he gets to his feet.

“Looks like you managed to pass the time.”

“Yes well, I have a home to go to. Aaron?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah, see you tomorrow then.” Is that disappointment he can feel blooming in his chest. What had he expected? It was a wind up for Tracy, that was all. Just because they’d talked, didn’t mean a thing. It was just memories getting to him, that’s all.

When he’s gone Tracy grabs his arm dragging him down the corridor.

“See I was right!”

“Don’t be daft.”

“If I’d been a couple of minutes later, you would’ve been a lot more undressed that’s all I’m saying.”

“We were just talking.” When they round the corner, Robert’s waiting outside his classroom. He could do without that right now.

“Yeah, just talking.”

“See you tomorrow Tracy.” He tells her, ignoring the gleeful look on her face. He was never going to get any peace now. “Thought you were going.” He says when she’s gone.

“Yeah, I...I didn’t make you uncomfortable, did I? Back there, winding Tracy up?”

“No, course not. I’m never going to hear the end of it now though.” He picks up his phone and his jacket. “We’re fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Good, cos I feel like we can get on find now, yeah? Despite everything?”

“Yeah, course. I should go.” He says when Robert doesn’t attempt to move.

“Oh! Yeah. See you tomorrow then.” He attempts a strange half wave as he leaves and Aaron just watches until he’s out of sight, unable to make himself move.

He walked home, head all over the place. He felt a bit better now he’d explained everything. It wasn’t him, not really and he felt for Robert, he really did. It still hurt though. Trouble was, he was still attracted to him. He couldn’t deny that Robert was even more attractive, well actually he was bloody gorgeous these days. That didn’t change the fact that it was a bad idea to even go any further down that road. He’d been here before, with Robert, with others, dating someone he worked with and it had ended in disaster. He wasn’t sure he wanted to go there again.

He laughed at himself, what was he doing? He didn’t even have the first idea whether Robert felt the same way.

At least he had the weekend to sort himself out before he saw Robert again. He could kill Tracy for putting the idea out there, for waiting so long to let them out of the cupboard because when Robert had leaned in pretending to kiss him, he hadn’t wanted him to stop.

*****

Robert’s not in the staffroom when he gets in the next day and he’s relieved. He suffers the teasing from Tracy and a couple of others before heading to his classroom. Year 8 holds no promise of a peaceful morning though, like he wants before the extra rehearsal at lunch.

“Are you alright?” Robert asks him as the kids run through the finale. “You’re quiet.”

“Hmm? Yeah I’m fine.”

“Good...I, you’re sure I didn’t...on Friday. You weren’t offended?”

“No, course not. I told you.”

“Because it meant a lot talking to you like that, getting to explain.”

“Yeah. Well, anytime.”

“Mates then?” Before he can answer there’s the sounds of a scuffle backstage.

“Sir! Harry won’t stop pushing me!”

“Christ!” Robert mutters as he gets up. “Harry, are you six years old or something? Pack it in or you’ll be staying behind today. Right, go through it again.” He glances back at Aaron with a grin.

Yeah, he’s screwed.

He does the only thing he can do, he avoids Robert, only seeing him at rehearsals, and he doesn’t cancel the date, no matter how much he wants to. There’s no point going there again, however much he’d explained. The past was the past.

*****

Friday comes and this time he leaves right after school, taking no chances, even though he wouldn’t be going if it weren’t for Sarah. Despite staying away he’d done nothing but think about Robert all week.

Sarah’s alone when he reaches the cafe, sat at one of the tables with a cup of tea. “You made it then, no locked cupboards getting in the way?” He’d told her about getting locked in and she’d all but collapsed with laughter.

“Very funny! No ankles?”

“I promise! He won’t be long, just looking at my electrics upstairs. Sit yourself down.” She chatters a mile a minute while they wait and then he hears footsteps on the stairs.

“Mum, I can’t find anything wrong, you’ll have to call an...oh.” He stops in the doorway, still rolling down his sleeves, while Aaron just stares at him. “Aaron, what are you doing here?”

“Turns out I’m your date. How convenient.”

“I...Mum what have you done?”

He ignores him, instead turning to Sarah. “Been having a good laugh behind my back, have you?”

“No love.” He shakes his head and pushes his chair back, the scraping noise filling the room.   
“I suppose you had a great laugh didn’t you? What was last week? All part of the plan to get me onside?” He could barely speak he was so angry.

“Aaron…” Robert steps towards him and he backs away. “Aaron, wait!”

“I thought...I really thought you were being nice” He looks back at Sarah, “All the time I was talking to you about him, you...you didn’t tell me who he was! I suppose she knows everything?” He turns back to Robert. “All of it?” Robert’s just stood there speechless.

“Love, I didn’t know…” He can’t stay any longer, just turns and leaves, hurrying away so neither of them can follow. He can’t believe he’s been so stupid.

*****

The weekend drags by, his phone lighting up with texts from Robert, full of apologies but he ignores them. He can’t even pinpoint what he feels. Humiliation, disappointment, anger, or all three.

Under any other circumstances he would’ve jumped at the chance to go out with him again, despite everything he’s said about not going there, but the thought of them talking about him, plotting this whole thing was too much. He didn’t like being manipulated and this felt like that.

Sarah saying she didn’t know comes to mind, but how could she not? It made no sense.

No, he was done. He just had to get through the week’s performances of the show and then he could have nothing more to do with Robert Sugden.

*****

The week doesn’t go too badly considering. He avoids the cafe, and Robert, staying behind the scenes in the hall when he can as they run through the show one more time, sending instructions or messages via the kids under the guise of needing to keep working on the props and set.

“Amy, tell Mr Sugden we’re ready now, please.” She’s looking at him funny and he sets down the paintbrush he’s holding. “What is it?”

“Harry says you and Mr Sugden have fallen out. Have you?” Amy was one of his form, usually wouldn’t say boo to a goose, so what’s prompted this flash of confidence he’s not sure.

“No. Of course we haven’t. Anyway Harry should be concentrating on his singing, not anything else. He spies the other lad out of the corner of his eye and glares him making him scarper. “Take no notice of him.”

He sighs when she’s gone, he misses Robert, the quick easy banter they’d developed was now gone. That was that though, nothing he could do about it, not now.

*****

“You nervous?” Robert steps up beside him the afternoon of the first performance, as he potters about in his room. There’s no point going home just to come straight back.

“No.”

“Aaron, come on, this is stupid.” He cuts him off.

“No, what’s stupid is me, trusting you again. Do you have any idea how I feel? How I felt back then? I get it, I do, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I loved you!”

“You...you loved me?” He hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“Just get out Robert!”

“Aaron we can sort this out.”

“No we can’t.”

“The show, we have to work together.”

“I can be civil for one more night. After that we don’t have to talk to each other.”

“Aaron, please!”

“No. I’m done, Robert. Just go.” He doesn’t look up until he’s gone and when he does Tracy is stood in the doorway.

“Well, well, well.”

“Not now Tracy. Whatever you heard, just forget it, ok?”

“I didn’t hear much, but he sounded pretty cut up.”

“He’s good at that.”

“Right. Come on, we’re getting out of here. You can tell me what’s wrong.” He has no choice but the follow as she grabs his arm and at least Robert won’t know where he is.

She drags him to the pub down the road, buys him a coke and sits across from him. “Was going to be something stronger, but best not. So come on, spill.”

So he does, all of it, minus what Robert told him about his Dad, and she’s gripped. He’s never known her so quiet.

“So now you get it.”

“Not really.”

“Tracy come on.”

“Way I see it, he wants you, you clearly want him, so why not go for it?”

“Did you not hear what I said?”

“Did you? He told you he had all the intentions of coming back, and yeah he didn’t call but...he’s been pining after you since he turned up here.”

“But, the date.”

“Well that was his Mum, and you know what Mum’s are like. If he had known why wouldn’t he have admitted it. Look you’ve told me about your Mum, you don’t think she’d do the same?” Well he couldn’t deny that, half their rows were about her interfering in his life.

“I don’t know.” He was just so afraid of being hurt he couldn’t do it.

“Look, you can stay as you are, miserable and alone, or you can take a chance on what I can only say is a very fine looking man, who clearly likes you. Take a risk Aaron, you’ll never know if you don’t.”

“Maybe.”

“Just think about it.” She finishes her drink. “Come on, we need to get back.”

“Tracy? Thanks.”

He manages to avoid Robert when he gets back, until nearly everyone is inside when he feels someone beside him. Sarah. Robert’s nearby looking annoyed but he ignores him.

“I can’t do this now.”

“Let me explain, Aaron, please.” She sounds upset and despite it all he does like her. He looks at his watch, they have a few minutes so he nods, leads her to his room along the corridor.

“Whatever you say won’t make a difference. I don’t like being made a fool of.”

“Neither of us were doing that. I promise you. Robert knew nothing. He didn’t even know who I was setting him up with.”

“You did though. You let me complain about him, over and over. What was that?”

“I didn’t know either not until the day you told me about the cupboard. You never mentioned his name, and he doesn’t talk about work, only told me about that because it made him late for dinner with me and his sister. When I realised…” She stops.

“What?”

“I...all I want is for him to be happy. He’s been through a lot, and he lets so few people get close to him. I thought you’d be good for him. Well, it’s not my place to tell you all that, but I knew about you, not that it was you, when he told me about the boy at uni. When I realised I knew I had to do something.”

“So why not tell me, or him, rather than ambush us?”

“Because...he told me you weren’t interested, and what you’d said...I had to try though. I’ve let him down before and I really thought it would work out for the best.”

“That didn’t work out too well then did it?”

“No, well...I just wanted you to know that Robert wasn’t any part of it. Everything he told you...he wasn’t playing games. I’m the one at fault here, not him.”

“Ok. I...I need to get back.” He wasn’t ready to forgive her, not yet. “Thanks for explaining.”

Robert’s waiting when they get back to the hall, hands on hips, glaring at his Mum, and if he wasn’t still so hurt he’d probably laugh at the pair of them. He walks past them heading backstage when Robert grabs his arm.

“I didn’t put her up to that. I’m so angry at her.”

“She cares I guess.”

“That’s not the point!”

“It doesn’t matter any more does it?”

“Aaron…”

“I can’t Robert. He didn’t even know why, because he could tell Sarah had told him the truth, but his self preservation had kicked in. He’d been hurt too many times by different people and it wasn’t going to happen again. “I just can’t.”

He gets through the rest of the evening well enough and the kids are brilliant. He stands by Robert taking in the praise from the Head with a smile, before losing sight of Robert as the kids descend on them both.

When the hall is clear of everyone but a few teachers he collects up some of the equipment to take back to the cupboard before he goes home.

“Aaron, can we talk?”

“No.” He turns round to see Robert in the doorway. “I’m done talking. I know it wasn’t your fault but...it made me realise it wouldn’t work. I’ve been hurt by you once too often.”

“You don’t know that. We’ve never given it a proper chance.”

“Why was that? Look I know, and I get it like I said, but it hurt Robert and it still does. I can’t go there again.” He feels stupid, being this way over a fling at uni, it shouldn’t affect him this much after so much time but he can’t help it.

“It won’t be like that, not this time. We’re different. I’m different.”

“Maybe I’m not. Just stop it Robert.” He tries pushing past him but Robert stands his ground. “You’re out of luck if you’re going to lock us in again. They fixed the lock last week. Was that part of the game?”

“What? No! There wasn’t a game, just my mother who likes to meddle in my love life. That night meant a lot. You listened to me, really listened. Probably not by choice I know, but no one has ever really done that before.”

“Still doesn’t make what she did right.”

“No. But she is right about one thing. I do like you, I always did.”

“I liked you too, was going to go on that date and let him down gently even though I didn’t think I had a chance with you.”

“Then what’s stopping us?”

“I don’t like being manipulated. It’s happened too many times before.”

“It won’t, not this time. Just give me, us a chance.”

He looks so disheartened and Aaron wants to leave but something stops him. Deep down, he wants him. Maybe this once he should take a chance.

“You won’t leave again?”

“I promise.”

“You’re still married.”

“Not by choice. Trust me, give it a try, that’s all I ask.”

He steps forward slowly until he’s right in front of Robert. Maybe he should take a risk for once.

“No hiding?”

“No hiding.”

Robert’s grinning but he realises he’ll have to take the initiative, leaning in to kiss him, hands clutching at his arms as he backs him up towards the wall.

Eventually Robert breaks away, grinning. “Well that’s an improvement on the last time we were in here.”

“Probably inappropriate though...no locked door.” He’s grinning down at him, that lopsided grin of his that had always been in Aaron’s dreams.

“We could always take it somewhere more appropriate.” He grins cheekily. “Yours or mine?”

 

  


 


End file.
